


Crime

by OdeToPedrazar (MyPrivateLaughter)



Series: Five Friends and Francis [8]
Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 16:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3140654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyPrivateLaughter/pseuds/OdeToPedrazar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Edinburgh</i><br/>They stay with Benedick's Uncle Len who, it turns out, is a dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crime

**Author's Note:**

> _WARNING:_ contains homophobic slurs that some readers may find triggering. Uncle Len is a real asshole and it’s pretty shocking.

Benedick’s Uncle Len was a terrible, terrible person, as it turned out, and within minutes of them first entering his home, an old town house on the outskirts of Edinburgh, he had managed to offend each of them with an almost impressively offensive display of bigotry. He was a lot older than Benedick’s parents and had a face that looked as if it’d been scrunched into a ball and then laid flat again, a large belly that swelled over his belt and only a thin feather of silver hair stretched over his head. He lived alone, which was no surprise to any of them.

After Benedick had introduced his friends, Uncle Len had begun by saying, “Jesus! You lot sound like the fucking Village People or something.” He had chortled. “What kind of name is _Hero_?”

Hero had smiled politely and begun, “Well, it was actually because I was…” but Uncle Len hadn’t been listening.

“And _Balthazar_? That’s a bit of a gay name, isn’t it?” he had laughed and punched Balthazar playfully, but hard, on the shoulder. “You a fag?”

“Um…” Balthazar had stammered, clearly not sure how to respond to this.

Pedro, on the other hand, had overcome an initial desire to be polite and bristled. “What did you say?”

“It’s ok, Pedro,” Benedick had hastily interceded.

But Pedro had growled, “Did you hear what he just said?”

Benedick had given an awkward laugh. “He didn’t mean anything by it, did you, Uncle Len? I mean, its just Balthazar is actually gay. And that’s fine, isn’t it?”

“Gay?” Uncle Len had raised his eyebrows, looked between Balthazar and Pedro and then said, “Alright, I suppose I should have expected that. Ben here has always been a bit that way. Look at the way he dresses. I warned his parents how it would end up. He told me that one of you girls is his girlfriend but, well, I’m assuming that that’s a cover up because it would be a crime for either of you good looking girls to be with a poof like him. An absolute crime.”

Pedro and Beatrice had both looked as if they were really considering committing a crime.

Benedick had seemed to be hoping that the ground would swallow him up. His eyes had flickered towards Beatrice then he’d begun, “Yeah, about that…”

“I’m his girlfriend.” Beatrice had said it almost before she’d made up her mind to. She had stepped forwards and said, “I’m Bea, Ben’s girlfriend.”

“You don’t have to…” Benedick had hissed.

But Uncle Len had interrupted by crying “Good god!” and giving Benedick a congratulatory wallop on the back. “I didn’t think you had it in you, son! Finally get your end away then?”

And even Hero had barely been able to conceal her grimace of disgust.

“Man, your uncle is just _the worst_ ,” Beatrice exclaimed when they had gone upstairs to find their rooms. They’d congregated in the first guest room for a quick summit. “ _Way_ worse than you said.”

Benedick sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. “I know. I’m so sorry. Mum said I had to stay for a night or he’d be offended. I’m so sorry, Balthy.” He looked up to his friend with a wretched expression. “I don’t know what to say. You guys can go stay in a hostel if you want.”

“Nah, don’t worry,” Balthazar shrugged. “It’s alright…”

Pedro had not spoken for the last ten minutes and had been standing very straight with his arms crossed beneath a dark glower. Now he piped up angrily, “Is it though? Is it alright?”

Benedick groaned. “Please don’t punch him, Pedro. He’s my Uncle.”

“I’m not going to punch him…”

“To be fair,” Hero commented, “it does look like you’re going to punch him.”

“I’m not going to punch him!”

“I might punch him!” Beatrice cried. “He’s a complete asshole!”

Hero hushed her. “He might hear you.”

“Do we care? Is that something we’re caring about?” Pedro said. “Bro, he needs to know that he’s completely out of line.”

Benedick was shaking his head. “He’s not going to change. He’s always been an asshole. He’s always going to be an asshole.”

“No wonder your parents decided to emigrate,” Balthazar muttered. And it was such a surprising thing to hear him say that the others all ended up laughing.

“Balthy, we love you,” Beatrice cried, giving Balthazar a hug. “Ignore the horrible man.”

“Yes, ignore him,” Hero agreed, wrapping her arms around both of them.

“Um, thanks,” Balthazar mumbled through the arms of his friends.

“I’m sorry, mate,” Benedick said again, standing up, and when Hero beckoned them, both he and Pedro joined in the hug as well, creating the first group hug of the trip so far, with Balthazar squeezed in at the core.

When they finally broke apart Balthazar said, “So, um, are we not going to talk about how these two are like dating now?”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if Uncle Len is too awful. But there's a group hug at the end to make it better! Ben says his grandfather is Scottish which kind of implies the rest of his family isn't but for the purposes of this fic Ben has a shedload of Scottish relatives! Because why not?! lol hope you enjoyed! (everyone loves defensive!Pedro...) xx


End file.
